How To Manage Perfectionism

To manage perfectionism, it can help to recognise that you do not have to do everything perfectly to do it well. Perfectionism can make you feel that every task, decision or mistake carries far more importance than it really does, leaving you constantly trying to meet standards that are difficult or even impossible to reach.

You might spend ages checking something you have written, feel uncomfortable when someone points out a small mistake or struggle to relax because there is always something else you could improve. You may even find yourself avoiding things altogether because you are worried you will not be good enough.

 

Why Can Perfectionism Be So Exhausting?

 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to do things well. In fact, having high standards can be motivating, but perfectionism becomes difficult when your expectations are rigid and your confidence depends on meeting them.

Research looking at more than 113,000 adults found that perfectionistic concerns were moderately associated with symptoms of anxiety, depression and obsessive compulsive disorder. This does not mean perfectionism causes these difficulties, but it highlights why it is worth addressing when it starts affecting your everyday life.

 

How Can You Challenge Perfectionist Thoughts?

 

One of the first things we might explore in therapy is the way you talk to yourself. Perfectionism often comes with thoughts such as “I must get this right”, “I cannot make a mistake” or “Everyone will notice if I get this wrong”.

When you notice these thoughts, try asking yourself how realistic they actually are. Would you speak to a friend in the same way if they made the mistake you are criticising yourself for?

You can then practise replacing the thought with something more balanced. “I need to get this perfect” could become “I want to do a good job, but it does not have to be perfect.”

 

 

Can Making Mistakes Actually Help?

 

For someone who struggles with perfectionism, making a mistake can feel very uncomfortable. You may immediately want to correct it, apologise repeatedly or spend time thinking about what you should have done differently.

Instead of automatically trying to remove that uncomfortable feeling, try allowing yourself to sit with it. A small mistake at work, an imperfect email or getting something wrong while learning a new skill does not mean you have failed.

You can even practise making small imperfections part of your everyday life. For example, you could send an email after checking it once rather than checking it five times, or finish a task when it is good enough rather than continuing to make tiny changes.

 

How Can You Stop Putting Things Off?

 

Perfectionism and procrastination often go hand in hand. When you believe something has to be excellent, getting started can feel overwhelming because you are already thinking about everything that could go wrong.

Try making the first step much smaller. Rather than telling yourself that you need to finish the entire project, focus on writing the first paragraph, spending ten minutes on the task or simply opening the document.

Once you have started, it is often much easier to keep going. You are also giving yourself the opportunity to learn that something does not need to be perfect for it to be worthwhile.

 

What About Comparing Yourself With Other People?

 

Comparison can make perfectionism even stronger, particularly when you are constantly looking at what other people are achieving. You might see someone else’s career, appearance, relationship or lifestyle and focus on everything you believe they are doing better than you.

It is important to remember that you rarely see the full picture of another person’s life. Instead of asking yourself, “Why am I not doing as well as them?”, try asking, “What do I actually want for myself?”

Your goals do not need to match somebody elses. Progress can look very different from one person to another.

 

 

Is Perfectionism Something You Can Change?

 

Yes, perfectionism is not simply a fixed part of your personality. With the right support, you can learn to recognise unhelpful thinking patterns and develop a more flexible way of responding to mistakes, uncertainty and expectations.

You may benefit from professional support if perfectionism is affecting your confidence, relationships, work, studies or ability to enjoy your life. You do not need to wait until things feel overwhelming before speaking to someone.

At Connect Psychology in Dubai, our psychologists can help you understand the thoughts and expectations behind your perfectionism and explore healthier ways of responding to them. We offer support in person in Dubai and online across the UAE, so that you can get help in a way that feels comfortable for you!